Dementia

I don't know why but it has been on my mind for a while that Tom may have dementia. From time to time Rich and I solicit the advice of our friend Karen. She is an intuitive guide and an amazing one. About a year ago she mentioned Dementia and we just let it kind of roll off our shoulders but it is something that stayed in the back of my mind.

Around the same time, I brought Tom in for his annual physical. I mentioned to his provider that I had concerns about early onset dementia and explained how I walked into Tom's place and the stove was on, even though there was nothing cooking and Tom was just rocking away in his rocking chair.

The provider gave Tom 3 words to remember. He kept going with the physical and then asked Tom to repeat those 3 words that he was given earlier. Tom did; he remembered what they were and repeated them back.

As we walked out of the office, I said "I honestly can't believe that you pulled those words out of your ass". Tom chuckled and admitted that he didn't listen to anything of what the provider was saying. He just repeated those words over and over in his head.

I found myself pondering multiple things at once.

Did he just trick the doctor? If he did have Dementia, would he have been able to do that? I didn't know the answer to any of my questions.

Life went on and we went right into the chaos of Tom's new cancer diagnosis (Stage 3 prostate cancer) and that took over our life and priority over everything else.

Over the next 7 months, I found myself driving Tom into Vanderbilt Nashville. This was 2.5 hours one way, without traffic but that's rural living. You have to travel when you're in need of quality care.

Each visit meant about 8 hours out of the home for me and Tom. My business suffered greatly. I had to reduce the amount of business clients that I could work with, I had to constantly move the clients that I did have because so many new appointments kept popping up and I was physically and mentally exhausted the rest of the time.

Consult with Urology, MRI, PET Scan, Biopsy, Pre-op, Surgery, Post-op...you NAME it.

Obviously we spent a lot of time in the car telling stories and just chatting. I'd come home and blow of steam to Rich.

"I told dad this story the other day and today he told it back to me today as if he just learned about it when I'm the one that told him!"

"I had to listen to the SAMMEEEE stories today from dad. He's told me the same stories a THOUSAND times."

These are the exact things that I would say to Rich after each trip. He would just chuckle and give me the space to vent but Tom's behavior didn't seem normal.

Many things raced through my head. When I asked him to go visit my brothers and he replied "Not without you" or the fact that he won't drive himself on the highway or when we walk into the hospital he literally sits back waiting for me to navigate it as if I'm an expert tour guide. I mean, he can read the damn signs just like I have to but noooo.

I wonder if it's because he knows something isn't right and he's been trying to hide it as long as he can.

He always asks me questions to things I've already told him...like ALWAYS.

During his pre-op for his prostate cancer, they sent him to a high risk pre-op because of his prior stage 4 esophageal cancer. That left him a total mess, extremely fragile and in need of IV iron infusions about every 2 years.

Something in that pre-op room concerned them and they talked about how low his O2 is and something about him having weak heart fibers; I didn't understand any of it. They were obsessively asking him if he has sleep apnea. He hasn't been diagnosed with sleep apnea (yet) but that pre-op resulted in referrals to cardiology, pulmonology and neurology. I was already exhausted and I found myself extremely angry and even more resentful with each new referral.

They also gave him the 3 word test and he failed. He couldn't remember the words. I hated to be excited but I thought MAYBE we're getting answers now and his dementia is starting to become evident to the point that he can't fake it or trick people.

I've also never known them to do that in a pre-op exam but I'm glad they did.

As much of a mess he seemed, they did clear him for surgery. Of course they told us about all the many risks, which he accepted because he needed the surgery.

This month is 13 months that I've been bringing him into Nashville every single month. My car has taken a beating as has my mood, my joy, my finances, my business...everything in my life.

Which is why I finally sat him down and explained how I was feeling. Run down. Worn out. At the age of (at the time) 70, he needed to be a better functioning part of his own life. That's when he crossed his arms, ignored me and looked away.

Okay...child.

Hating confrontation, I just kept doing the things I do and everything slowly went back to our normal.

Seeing as he's now ignored us for the past week, I've been able to have enough calm and peace to think about things without the anger clouding my thoughts, so I typed "early onset dementia" into Google.

Here's what it said:

1) Memory problems: Difficulty with short term memory.

CHECK

2) Communication difficulties: HA! Do I even NEED to say anymore here?!

3) Mood changes: I'm SQUIRMING now.....

4) Disorientation and confusion

5) Difficulty with everyday tasks

6) Poor judgement

Can I say anymoreeeeee?

So, we have an appointment with Neurology on April 8, which is about a week away and I am going to tell this doctor EVERYTHING.

Til next time,

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