Played Again

It's been a hot minute since I wrote to you. I decided to get a part-time job as well as a part-time side hustle.

Part of me feels like if I'm not home, Tom will have to do more for himself. We've been making strides but I'm still conflicted.

The last time I wrote to you Tom felt as if he may have dementia and to be quite honest, I was questioning that myself but as we know, a manipulator is good at manipulating.

So, was I being played again?

As usual, I drove the 2 hours into Vanderbilt for Tom to meet with a neurologist.

In that appointment she asked him lots of questions, which were pretty entertaining for me but there was a big piece of me that felt as if he was playing stupid or acting like he didn't know the answer just to trick the doctor and get the diagnosis that he was looking for.

She ended up diagnosing him with Mild Cognitive Impairment (MCI) and obviously saw other things because she went ahead and ordered an MRI to check the brain, she stated that she thinks it would be a good idea for Tom to start taking a mood stabilizer (How ironic? I've been screaming into thin air for the last few years about his mood swings but it never dawned on me that he may need a mood stabilizer).

A referral was also made to another neurologist as she suspected sleep apnea, which had been mentioned several times by other providers by this point.

Tom declined the mood stabilizers and we began the 2 hour journey back.

4 hour turn-around and I still felt as if I didn't have any answers. Mild cognitive impairment? I think we could ALL be diagnosed with that at this point in life.

Interestingly enough, Tom started crying in the car on the way home and he said that he changed his mind and thinks that he would like to try the mood stabilizers. So, I sent the doctor a message and she called in his prescription.

Over the next few days my phone was blowing up with notifications. MRI scheduled, next neurology appointment scheduled and more time out of my schedule...

The MRI came pretty quick, but again, I drove 2 hours into Vanderbilt for an 18 minute brain scan. 18 minutes...at least make it worth my while, lol. We had nothing else to do that day, so we drove 2 hours back home.

While we waited for those results, we had a telehealth visit with the neurologist who would be following the potential sleep apnea. Tom walks over to my house and we sit on Zoom with this doctor who ordered the sleep study.

You guessed it. I had to drive him 2 hours back into Nashville to pick up the sleep study machine and then drive back the NEXT DAY to drop it off. Pissed was a true understatement.

His first neurologist called us to let us know that the MRI showed "Mild to moderate Vascular Disease" and she wanted to go ahead and order blood work to check for Alzheimer's Disease.

It was actually Tom's idea that we kill 2 birds with 1 stone (as they say) and get the blood work the same day that we pick up the sleep study machine.

I still get wildly angry that this lazy SOB won't drive himself. He is 71. Do you know how many people over the age of 71 make their own appointments, drive themselves around and this guy would literally NOT do something if he was responsible to drive himself. Friends have told me to just stop taking him but I don't know how to do that. I guess that's why I got a job and a side hustle; to make myself less available and Rich is busy with our daughter now that it's summer break, so he's unavailable.

Needless to say, it was another 4 hour turn-around to get the blood drawn and grab the sleep equipment. The lady in the sleep clinic was explaining how to use the machine and Tom looks over at me and says "You listening?"

I replied "Nope. This has nothing to do with me. You're on your own." And, I meant it.

Rich felt bad for me so he offered to drive the equipment back the next day. 2 hours there to drop the machine in a drop box and then literally turn right around and drive 2 hours back home.

This is insanity. I don't care that Tom is now throwing us $100 every time we take him there. I've wasted so much of my life and it's not worth it. He doesn't give himself the effort that he expects us to give so piss on you.

Blood test for Alzheimer's came back negative. He does NOT have dementia or Alzheimer's Disease BUT he does have sleep apnea.

Are you shitting me?

I didn't even know what to think. This guy is a cat with 9 lives that no one wants.

The mood stabilizers have helped him tremendously, even Rich said "Tom smiled today. Like a genuine smile. I don't know if I've ever seen him smile."

It's SAD that's a statement that we even have to say and mean it!

The problem for me, my desire to have a relationship with Tom is soooooooo far GONE, I can't come back. But it's true...every time we see him in the yard he has a much better attitude and isn't coming off like a miserable, grumpy shit.

At this point in time, I stopped going to church because I don't want to drive with him, sit next to him or be around him. I don't call him. We mostly text and just say hi when we see each other in the yard.

I have nothing to offer him anymore. He abused the system, he took advantage of us and our generosity and we will never, ever be the same.

People like Tom drain your energy. Like literally suck it right out of you just by being around them, so I've come to make self care a priority.

Right now my favorite is placing these under eye collagen gel packs under my eyes while I just sit on the couch for a few minutes of quiet time. My eyes always feel less stressed and less twitchy, lol.

It's great to be back in touch with you; I'll be back soon.

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