The Garage Apartment: Beyond Caregiver

We should have left him in Florida when we moved to Tennessee in 2019. At that time he was renting a house; I guess technically I was renting it but he was paying the rent.

Like I said yesterday in my Caregiver Burnout post, Rich paid for the first, last and security and it was being rented in my name using my credit and social security number. (God, we're so stupid) But again, I knew if we left him there alone

1) He would ruin my credit by doing something stupid to the rental house.

There were already many strikes against him there. For starters the rental agreement clearly stated that there is no smoking inside of the home. I walked in there one day and as a non-smoker, I knew that he had been smoking in the house so I confronted him. He admitted to smoking inside and said that he wouldn't do it again. (He didn't)

2) One of his old female friends that lived in the FL Keys with him decided that she was just going to move her shit into the house and bunk with him. Again, the rental agreement said that any new tenants needed to be approved by the landlord, which this wasn't. So, I kicked her out and told her to get her stuff out of the house.

I knew that I wasn't valued or respected but I truly thought that my "dad" was just a weasel without a backbone and didn't know how to stand up for people. I do...although reading these stories and seeing how long "dad" has been allowed to be a cancer in my life, I'm starting to wonder.

Hindsight is a bitch.

Anyway, when Rich and I made the decision to build our home in TN we sat "dad" down and asked him if he wanted to come with us.

We have an apartment over the garage that wasn't being used and he'd be close in case any more medical issues came up. (He had already survived stage 4 esophageal cancer, pulmonary embolisms and deep vein thrombosis. He was on blood thinners and honestly, I just thought that he was fragile and incompetent)

"Dad" told us that he would come with us IF he could be a snow-bird. Of course we said yes and reminded him that he's a grown-ass man and can do whatever he wants with his life.

Knowing that his monthly social security check wouldn't get him as far as he needed, I told him that Rich and I were willing to not charge him anything for rent so that he could afford a place as a snow-bird but he would need to cover his own utilities. He agreed but of course once we got to TN and I approached the idea of him going back to FL his reply was "Not without you".

And that was that. He never went back to FL. He never allowed himself to become a snow-bird and he's never paid rent to us. What he DID know coming up here is that the apartment is over Rich's garage.

If you knew Rich you would agree that the man is the most patient, respectful man. Truly. He is. So when I tell you that he went into his garage to work or "tinker" like men do, he didn't go out of his way to make noise or disturb "dad", he didn't.

When Rich would paint or do anything with fumes, he made sure the garage doors were opened, his put all the industrial sized fans on and got to work.

Little by little "dad" would zing Rich about how bad the fumes are, how loud things were, blah blah blah.

As Rich's wife I was absolutely livid that this man who lives here RENT FREE wants to bitch at the man who actually owns and built the place. As a man my husband has a right and deserves a space to be a man for his mental health and we don't owe anybody an explanation but... here we were.

Rich stopped going into his garage unless he absolutely needed to.

I didn't know what to but I knew that this wasn't fair and I couldn't watch my husband go through this so one day I looked at Rich and blurted out "I want you to build a new garage".

He was worried about the expense of building a whole new garage but I looked at him the same way I did when my online business retired him and I said "Babe, I will make the money and you will have the cash for your garage"

We do make a great team; when we put our mind to something we always get it done.

He went to work on the planning and inventory lists and I went to work finding new clients and rolling out new coaching/training programs to teach online marketers how to use Pinterest for business and within 2-3 months I had provided Rich with about $25,000 and he went right to work building his big new garage on the opposite side of our house as "dad".

Rich and I both KNEW that we shouldn't have to do that and we can't honestly tell you why we take this kind of shit from a man who isn't our dependent. We don't owe him anything...

I was just glad that my husband finally had his own space because he deserves it, at the very least. It was odd to me that "dad" saw what we did and NEVER once asked us why we built a new garage. Now we know... he doesn't care, he doesn't want to talk about it because then he wouldn't have to acknowledge anything as long as he's taken care of.

So, on Wednesday March 18, 2026 at 6:25pm CT when I text "dad":

I want you to think about how things can get better. You haven't been my dad or my friend for a long time and I miss that. You and I have both allowed you to basically become a dependent and it's not fair to me. I can't go on like this. Personally, I would like to see you gain your independence and it might take you living in your own space for that to happen so we can work on our relationship. I think that you would rather just be taken care of, no matter what the cost is for me. The last time I tried to talk to you, you just crossed your arms and ignored me so I just don't talk to you anymore and that's not good. Can you actually tell me that you're happy?

His response to THAT was:

"I like living here. I just won't ask you for anything other than rides to the doctor."

That's the moment that I stopped responding to his text messages. He doesn't give a royal shit about me, about anything other than himself and making sure that he is taken care of.

Once again...stunned.

Rich would feel better if I filed eviction papers and I know how easy it is to read this and say "No shit! Do it" and I know. I'd be thinking the SAME thing if you were in my shoes.

So, why do I have guilt about doing that? He's not even my biological father but he is 71 and that plays on my heart strings. I know it shouldn't.

I feel stuck. I've felt stuck for a very, very long time. Sweeping this under the rug is no longer an option.

Stay tuned...

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